Grocery Connections

I meandered through the aisles, the fact that I was there for soap barely registered in my mind when I was approached by a small elderly lady pushing her own cart (as opposed to one from target) She wore a drab green dress and sported pigtails under her yarn hat.

 “Hey. Hey! You.” She quickly drew herself to my side. “Yes?” I thought she was going to ask me where something was. I soon learned I was mistaken when she proceeded to tell me that she had been approached by two furry creatures carrying signs which told her that if she wouldn’t take them home they were going to kill her (the setting of this scene was an abandoned parking lot of course) “There were two of them and one of me! I had to do it!” She leaned in closer as I tried to take on a serious face and nodded earnestly “hmmm” “wow.” She then went on to tell me that they were cats, but… “Ohhhh, you don’t really wanna know this part” (in conspiratorial tones) and a low whisper ” They’re actually gods,GODS! Egyptian gods!” I was beginning to have fun so I asked her how that made her feel. Apparently terrible. “They… (She looked around as if to be sure no one would hear) “They force me to buy them friskies” her face dropped, and she rubbed her arm as she seemed to shiver. She also mentioned something about a big black and white cat who was their big Daddy​. “They have claws I have to do what they say! ” Her face almost pleading.

 She must have realized I was humoring her because then she told me that she was actually a comedy writer with several books under her belt. I almost believed her and even asked her what her name was. Linda Rogo she said. Oh dear. A fictional character. 

At that point I was slowly backing away as she yelled out one liners at me “Wait, one more! I hate drugs so much I won’t even give my cat catnip!” 

“Oh youuuu! I have to get home now! Thank you! You have a good night! Bye bye!” And so the night ended. I never got that dish soap.