Just a Full Fool

Last night the pain overcame me. I was afraid it was my acute UTI returning to haunt me. I couldn’t afford to miss any more work days so I finally went ahead to an ER. Thank God for Uber in the wee hours of the morning. As it turned out, my uti was still dead, but I was so constipated or full of shit (literally) that it was causing me extreme pain. I never knew constipation could get that bad! I’m home now, with a months supply of laxative in the form of indigestible plastic and a few days worth of antibiotics. It’s time to make a change in my lifestyle.

 Goodbye steaming, creamy mugs of coffee. Goodbye my sweet layers of chiffon interrupted only by heavenly butter orange cream and covered in that irresistible vanilla icing. Goodbye dark delicious chocolate in all forms. Goodbye cookies, how I will miss stuffing my face with you. Goodbye my friends. Our time has come to part ways. Maybe I will visit you now and then, but probably only on special occasions. I love you.

Sincerely, Muffinface